Jews Divided Over Ideal Restaurant Parking Lot in Which to Fight God

Logos of Denny's, IHOP, and Waffle House, with a background image of two fists punching

Illustration: in whose parking lot should Jews fight God? Denny’s, IHOP, or Waffle House?

Amid recent discussion on social media regarding fighting God in a Denny’s parking lot, many Jews have questioned why a Denny’s parking lot has emerged as the location where others are planning to fight God.

“My main question is: why Denny’s?” said Leah Berger, a college student from New Jersey. “Yes, I know it used to be called Danny’s, and their founder was born in a town called Lakewood — California, mind you.”

Waffle House Parking Lot Better for Fighting God Than Denny’s, say Southern Jews

Some Jews in the American South maintain that Waffle House, whose locations are heavily concentrated in the region, is the best location for a fight. Advocates point to Waffle House’s reputation for always staying open, even in extreme conditions.

“Waffle House has shown a consistent record of staying open during natural disasters, otherwise known as ‘acts of God,'” said Rose Katz, an Atlanta native. “Clearly, Waffle House has the best chance for surviving whatever God can throw down.”

Others Prefer IHOP

“It’s the International House of Pancakes,” said Philadelphia retiree Morris Adler. “We’re Jews. Need I say more about why we have the upper hand here as opposed to [laughter] Denny’s?”

Others defend their choice more creatively. “IHOP is owned by a parent company that also owns Applebees.” said Rabbi Pinchas Goldblum. “What time of year is it? We eat apples. And honey, from bees.”

“And what did Yaakov do after winning that fight in the Torah?” Goldblum adds enthusiastically, clicking his tongue, “He hurt his hip socket so he limped, hopped back. I hope I can win and hop away too. I-HOP.”